1. Field of Dreams
2. Brian’s Song
3. The Pursuit Of Happyness
4. It’s A Wonderful Life
5. Terms of Endearment
6. Jerry McGuire
7. Rudy
8. Godfather II
9. Big Fish
10. Pride of the Yankees

The rest of the list

In Name Only
Casablanca
Rocky
ET
The Elephant Man
One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest
Midnight Cowboy
Old Yeller
The Notebook
Broke Back Mountain
Fried Green Tomatoes
On The Waterfront
Good Will Hunting
Steel Magnolias
Love Story
Chariots of Fire
Shane
The End Of The Affair
Return To Me
Remember The Titans
We Are Marshall
Officer & A Gentleman
Boys Of Baraka
Million Dollar Baby
To Kill A Mockingbird
Wall-E
Sleepless In Seattle
Schindler’s List
Lonely Are The Brave
Rain Man
My Dog Skip
Where The Red Fern Grows
Wings
Hoosiers
Hotel Rwanda
Major League
Backdraft
Gangs of New York
Boyz N The Hood
Armageddon
Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Dead Poets Society
Top Gun
The Deer Hunter
Saving Private Ryan
Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
Platoon
Pan’s Labyrinth
Passion of Christ
The Never Ending Story
How Green Was My Valley
The Human Comedy
About Schmidt
Nights of Cabiria
October Sky
Shine
Powder
Blood Diamond
The Bridges of Madison County
The Four Feathers
Paris, Texas
Miller’s Crossing
Make Way For Tomorrow
300
Mona Lisa’s Smile
Erin Brockovich
North Country
The Patriot
Last Of The Mohicans
Train Man  (Densha Otoko)
Story Of The Weeping Camel
Sweet Land
Secret Of Roan Inish
I Am Sam
The Misfits
My Life Without Me
No Such Thing
Whale Rider
Paperclips
Fahrenheit 911
An Inconvenient Truth
A Tale Of Two Cities (Dirk Bogarde)
Ladder 49
16 Blocks
Imitation Of Life

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, Hunting 6.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1..0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

My mother-in-law has gotten on my last nerve. Seriously, she needs to cut the freaking apron strings already. She needs to stop “dropping by” five to seven times a week. She needs to call first and if her “baby” doesn’t answer then not come by just to see if we’re home and not answering. I mean, who freaking does that? AND if he doesn’t answer then she shouldn’t call my phone looking for him or my son’s cell phone and then leave some freaking smart-ass message on the answering machine that “she has called every number we have and NO ONE is answering!!!” Then she starts calling the three of us all over again – within three minutes of leaving that freaking message!! She also needs to stop herself from just walking into my house. Has she ever heard of knocking? I swear, one of these days we’re not going to see her walking up the driveway and have enough time to scramble and get our clothes back on. She is going to catch her son’s big d*** in my mouth. How am I supposed to look at her across the table on holidays knowing that she saw me doing that?! I KNOW that his old loser girlfriends before me didn’t mind her incessant calling, dropping by and butting in. She has told me enough times, but his wife DOES!! We have jobs and kids and lives that don’t revolve around her. She tries to stick her nose into every aspect of our lives…. from what movies she thinks is “appropriate” for her 14 year old grandson to watch to where we go out at on the weekends. Nothing and I mean NOTHING we do is any of her freaking business. If I hear her say one more freaking time “OH, I don’t think that’s right” regarding some decision we’ve made when disciplining our kids, I swear I will take my frying pan and crack it over her freaking ignorant head. Did I ask for her opinion? Nope, sure didn’t and I never will. My mother never just “stops by” at my house every freaking day of the week. I wasn’t raised that way. I was taught to call first to see if the person is even interested in having company. I would never dream of stopping at someones house at 10:00 at night to “visit” for an hour when I know my precious son and his wife both get up at 4am for work five days a week. This is totally unacceptable behavior! She has really gotten on my last freaking nerve and I really can’t stand her. When I hear my husband mention her name I freaking cringe. My mother-in-law and I could have had a decent relationship, but she has messed it all up with her continuous freaking PRESENCE!! Not to mention the fact that all she does is bitch and complain about how we live our lives and raise our kids. Nobody freaking asked her. AND NO, I am NOT cooking something for Sunday dinner. She needs to quit dropping by at dinner time to see for herself if I really didn’t cook something for her precious baby. I DIDN’T. I have a freaking life. I have a four year old and a fourteen year old. I have a job in another city that I commute to more than 40 hours a week. I am just not cooking every night and every freaking Sunday for her precious baby. She can cook it her own damn self and invite us over for a change. Also, she needs to quit taking a sh** at my house every single time she stops by. It grosses me out completely. She knows damn well that she lives exactly three minutes down the road (which is a big part of the problem). Victoria, I have had enough! I don’t know what to do aside from going to the nearest gun dealer and taking matters into my own hands.

Signed,

Tormented Daughter-in-Law

Dear Tormented Daughter-in-Law,

My heart goes out to you. Your husband (aka precious baby) needs to stand up to his mommy and lay down the law. He is going to have to choose between making you happy or her happy. I suggest he choose the one where he puts his d***. Enough said! Your age old problem reminds me of a 60′s era song called, “Mother-in-law” by Ernie K. Doe.

Victoria

Mother-in-Law

Ernie K. Doe

Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
The worst person I know
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
She worries me so
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
If she leave us alone
We would have a happy home
Sent from down below
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
Sin should be her name
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
To me they are about the same
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
Every time I open my mouth
Then she tries to put me out
How could she stoop so low
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
I come home with my pay
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
She ask me what I made
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law
She thinks her advice is a constitution
If she would leave that should be the solution
And don’t come back no more
My mother-in-law, mother-in-law.